Mother's Day God, Part 1 - Essaything

                                                                                                                                                   MOTHER’S DAY

And a cosmic tumbler clicked and the Essence that would become God, before it was God, was filled with the knowledge of All That Is. Comprehending it’s singular state, it’s aloneness and yet oneness with space, and seeing that all physical forms were simple manifestations of Oneness rather than Separateness, It was filled with the desire to share this understanding with all things, and, empathic to the core, gain experience through the experience of the Other’s physical journey - be it brief or lengthy - and learn every beauty and every pain on levels that encompassed not only the ideation of every flavor of pain and beauty and every combination of those seemingly opposing states, but their manifestation in physical form. Pain, which the Essence saw as the collapse of hope and joy in a given moment was one side of this original dichotomy. And beauty, the ability to comprehend the wide essence of Itself through any event including the experience of pain, was the other. It was the union of these two that the Essence sought to explore, with all curiosity and all acceptance of what would be, and yet it all was present, and yet unexperienced, and so it was not full.

This Final Knowing and the resulting desire to experience all and to share that experience with forms of Itself was the last thought of this Essence before the Great Birth. The last act was this: it saw its shape. It saw that it looked like this:

I

But inside itself, the Essence felt like this:

O

This first dichotomy between the mental idea and physical reality of Itself opened a door for the great Essence, so that it looked like this:

The opening within Itself was space for newness, for life. It provided a way for itself to grow another Essence, one that was separate and yet a part of it. With this understanding, her physical gender became affixed. She, now Seeing as a God, understood that she would be able to hold the new Essence within her-Self until the new Creation – for it was holy - was able to See in it’s own way it’s own sacred and yet temporary Selfhood (for it was never meant to be eternally separate). On the other hand, neither was the Essence interested in controlling the new life. After all, it was the individual experience of a portion of her-Self that interested her in the first place. What would this new life do? What would be it’s experience? How would it grow? Would it wish to return?

This overriding curiosity, this delicious playfulness and supremely innocent desire for Experience in all its forms is what brought the first life into the womb of God. Shaped as She was, the new life grew within her, sheltered until it was able to come into its own physical reality. She saw small physical manifestations of Her-Self covering the world She had created. They were kind, gentle and saw deeply from their very essence. But something was yet incomplete in this perfect scenario. 

To be continued... on Father's Day.

New Prophesy - (An actual inspirational event that came to me January 9, 2015 as I was driving)

January 9, 2015

This is what you need to know.

The books you call scriptures are true, but not like you think they are. To the extent that they are true, they were originally communicated using the language of archetype. As such, they contain metaphor, shadow and example. They are not to be taken literally. They are not to be trusted in and of themselves in a literal fashion. That is all I will say about them at this point. 

Here is what you can expect in the not so distant future. 

There is and will be in the future, almost immediately, an increase in the gulf between the haves and the have-nots. Opportunity for many will be scarce. Food and water will become commoditized to an extent heretofore unheard of on the earth, in our memory at least. Religion will be seen for what it is; a power grab in the name of fear to more easily control the masses. Increasing numbers of people will become disaffected with it. They are going to drop through the cracks as it were. They are going to feel adrift and they are going to be hungry. 

With religion out of their consideration for deeper meaning, they are going to turn to something they can hold to, that does not judge them. They re going to turn to the earth. They are going to turn to shamanism and other earth-centric spiritual modalities. They are going to drop the things they learned from religion that offends their innate sensibilities. All customs and mores that are founded on those things will fall. The culture will be in an uproar. All things will feel as if built on sand, except to those that ground into and upon the earth herself. Those who do will hear her voice. They will equate it with the voice of God. They will learn a new language. They will no longer be governable by mankind. They will appear to live without rule. They will look frightening to those that cling to the edifices of the past for support and strength.

Many of those that are caught by the earth from their free fall will deepen their human kind dimensions into truly beautiful creations. They will be artists, healers, workers with the land. They will glow. They will accept nothing but peace. They will walk with respect for all life. As such they will be sought after. They will eschew glory for their own sakes, instead giving it to helpers and teachers like the Sky, Earth and personal power animals and spirit teachers. They will take their sacred things and vanish again into the forest, or desert, or community, or ocean. They will take on the characteristics of the things they hold in esteem. They will be shape shifters, and will be powerful enough to be feared, but they are not fearful. 

Others who are left flat by religion will ground into the earth as well. But she will search them as she does all who lay upon her and ask her for assistance and those that are still wanting power will find it. Many will use shortcuts like enthigens in a disrespectful manner to their own destruction, to the destruction of their souls. If the language of the earth is not heard by these, the call to come to serve rather than to seek power for powers sake, they will be approached by those spirits they seek and they will empower this new breed of shaman, which really is not new at all. These will become the Kishkumens of the new world. They will seek blood to increase their power and to appease those smaller gods for whose favor they seek. They will be called sorcerers. They will be called witches. Anyone who practices earth magic will be lumped into these categories, but only the ones that seek power from the earth for their own selfish desires will be dangerous. But they will increase on the land. The day will come when we will not be safe laying down a tool or walking after dark, so great will be the effects of their magic on the land. 

The peaceful ones will go under the earth. They will eat roots and fruits with gratitude. They will smile, and they will be clean. They will shed very little blood. They will await rescue.

Dave Exercise

THOUGHT: Heather will leave me or won't want me if I don' make a sale this month.

1.) Is this true? I don't know. Seems like it because when we were talking about it and I told her my fear she didn't deny it when she had the opportunity.

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true? No.

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?  I wanna leave her now.

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought? I want to be with her forever.

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)? I would feel unbeatable.

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:I'm not going to get the sales I need this month.


1.) Is this true? Not yet.

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true? Not at this point.





3.) How do I react when I believe that thought? I feel like quitting on myself, numbing out.

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought? Better, anyway.


5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)? Well I want to work and stay the course.

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.







THOUGHT: I am unable to close sales for some reason.

1.) Is this true? Not usually.

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true? Not at this time.














3.) How do I react when I believe that thought? Depressed, feelings of failure and worthlessness. Tiredness.

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought? Not like that. Hopeful.

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)? I could be more patient and let the process play out.












The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT: IF I DONT GET SOME NEW CLIENTS SOON THIS MONTH MAY BE LOST.




1.) Is this true? DONT KNOW.

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true? NOT UNTIL JUNE 1.

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought? PISSY. TANTRUM.

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought? LESS PISSY, HARDLY ANY TANTRUM.


5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)? RELAXED. NOT SO PISSY. It's a game, right?
.

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

THOUGHT:

1.) Is this true?

2.) Can I absolutely, without a doubt, know it's true?

3.) How do I react when I believe that thought?

4.) How do I feel when I do NOT have that thought?

5.) What if the opposite of that thought was true (i.e., what if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be)?

The idea is to freeze the thought, pull it out of my head and look at it. Don't dismiss it, don't treat it as an enemy.

Disregarded in the Darkness... - Essay

“Disregarded in the darkness, the fact of enlightenment remained.”

This, one of the final lines in Aldous Huxleys masterpiece, “Island”, captures for me one of the great challenges in my own awakening process – the fact of being disregarded by those I have loved the most and from whom I most wish recognition would come; my birth family. I’ve had countless inner conversations with my strong LDS mother, father and brothers about the new world I’ve been blessed to stumble upon, only to find in reality no consistent foothold for a conversation that didn’t center around a right-wing worldview or worse, a family favorite sitcom like The Office, or Seinfeld. 

I am far from consistently enlightened, but the “ah-ha” moments come in rapid succession at times. I think this in-between state, the state of being consumed with egoic desires for recognition on one hand, and real respect and compassion for the path my parents and siblings find themselves on the other, has been one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever faced. I can’t share any more these moments of new recognition of seemingly universal truths… even if they were interested, in many instances the bread crumbs I’ve dropped along the path away from “religiosity” are no longer there; I am unable to tell exactly how I came to believe how I do, to give foundation for the new discovery I would otherwise like to share. I just have a deep knowing that I trust from multifaceted experience.

“Disregarded in the darkness, the fact of enlightenment remained.”

So what can we do? It’s a legitimate question. For me, seeing ego arise in the fact of my 
own desires for recognition is one well-worn exercise for me. Needy little beggar as he is, I have to take my little boy on my lap and tell him he is worthwhile with or without recognition before allowing him to go play another game. Finding people that share my passion for the ontological “what is this life” question has been helpful  - not necessarily in the recognition department but in the “you are not alone” department. Because as grasping as the little dude that wants his family to show love to him can be (in the ways he wants them to show it), the “You Are Alone” guy can be downright dangerous. Of course ultimately we are alone (in our unique physical manifestation), and ultimately we are never alone (as a part of All That Is). But being comfortable on the line between those two truths is the work, at least for me.

 
As inane as social media can be, I am grateful to have found a few “tribes” within it with whom I can share my little discoveries and foibles along the path. They comprise my spiritual family. They help me when I get stuck, and give me little nuggets that can sometimes turn in to bread for days of contemplation. In the end, it’s unfair to ask my birth family to do something they are unwilling to do. It’s their path, it’s their karma, and it’s perfect in this moment or it would not exist. I was unable to ask hard questions about my spiritual path for decades, too. Like them, seeing myself from the vantage of my Self is the great work, whether it is recognized or not. As opportunities arise to be distracted from this great Oneness, coming back I realize I am never fully disregarded, never fully in darkness. 

None of us are.

Double Date - Poem

Double Date

I am not going to fail you.

I am not meant to fail you.

Your hair, dark as murder

Made slipknots over my wrists

The first day I saw you.

My heart drew a gasp

Aghast

When you, my Mistress, approached.

Jesus, seeing the approaching Iscariot

Did the same thing

And we were both crucified.

He, to the flesh

To the releasing of the soul to Eternity and Rest

And I

Far less the Master

To my fears

My inadequacies

My own supernal schoolhouse hell.

But just as Jesus left Mary and went to the Light

For Rest and Reason

I, at your behest and beckoning

Leave the light and come to you.

You, the Goddess-warrior of this Lifetime for me

Would show me the way to fight

The way to fight for Love’s sake

Where Rest and Reason have no place

Where failure means looking into the glowing eyes

And fierce red visage

Of all the monsters I have not yet faced

As their dripping lance comes down.

I am not going to fail you.

I am not meant to fail you. 

-- Eric Marley, for Heather

May 2015