Monday, April 30, 2012

God Am... (A Verbal Tryptich)

God Am…(A Verbal Triptych)

God, am
I…
Homeless?
I ask the man tiptoeing by
Steeling his jaw, avoiding my eye -
Does that sound like “hopeless” to you?
Do your roofs and your walls and your stark white halls
Lead to bedrooms and bathrooms and centralized heat?
Am I incomplete?
Am I to be disregar-dead?
Discar-dead?
Dead?
Would it be better for you if I were locked in a zoo
For you to see and feed and gape
Whenever your mushroom-cloud religion
Blew enough shit off the walls of your
Texaco bathroom heart
To see that
Although I have no house
I still have a smile, a mother, an opinion…
Goddamn!

God, am
I…
Gay?
Will I be beaten to a pulp for wanting sex on a rope
For fitting X’s with X’s against their dark sexes
And not the lascivious brand the magazines tell me to
Fuck?
Am I outta luck?
Am I doomed to perform-
A smiling monkey by the organ grinder
That plays its part to earn its hollow bread
But the bread-giver locks me away
From the light of day
And wills me to stay
Til I can behave
Must I scream rage in their eyes
While their arrogance dies
And make them realize
That it’s not for them to decide
Who I love?
Goddamn!
 
God, am
I…
Alone?
When the door shut this time
There was no slam
Just a resigned click, a sigh, a cell-door goodbye
Shutting me inside
With no place to hide
Covers up to my eyes
As I watch the closet door slide
Slowly
Open
Exposing the only place in the house
Darker than this room
Where monsters that look like me hide
Where I alone reside
Did I send you outside?

Goddamn.

--Eric Marley
November 2010


Sunday, April 29, 2012

He Tree and She Tree - Short Story (true?)


He Tree and She Tree

He Tree: My, but you’re beautiful
She Tree: You’re just saying that because we look alike, except I have more fir.  

He Tree: (Laughing) You could be right, but you’re still beautiful to me.
She Tree: Even after all these years?
He Tree: Maybe even more so now.

She Tree: Isn’t it interesting, how we came to be here? I came from a cone dropped from my mother tree, who has long since fallen and been reabsorbed into Mother Earth. You came from far away over that hill, after a Raven dropped your cone right at this spot. What made that bird do that?
He Tree: I think I will never know, since Raven isn’t usually interested in cones. But I’m glad he did.

Then there was silence for a while. This silence lasted for maybe seven years as they stood peacefully smiling, with their branches touching. They stood, feeling their roots intertwined. They had grown together to the extent that they could not tell, deep in the earth, which roots belonged to which tree. On warm days, they felt a tingling sensation all the way up, from their deepest taproots to the newest branches; nourishment from the rich forest soil. The seasons came and went. During the heaviest storms, although a disconnected human could never sense it, She Tree leaned just a little closer into He Tree, who protected her from the coldest blasts.

One early Spring day, She Tree said to He Tree: Sometimes I am sad to see the children we created all cut down.
He Tree: I am too.
She Tree: But even though they were cut down, I can see that our children are coming back to us. They are growing again.
He Tree: You are so observant, and it is so like you to notice something beautiful and cheery like that.
She Tree: Thank you. When they get taller, maybe we won’t feel the wind quite so strongly. That will be nice.
He Tree: I was just thinking that same thought!

Then there was an easy silence for two months before they spoke again.

She Tree: Do you think we will make it through many more winters?
He Tree: She Tree, I don’t know what the future holds. Our children came and went and now they are coming back. The deer and elk came and have only come back a little. The tree fairies haven’t come back at all since the road was built. The humans make it hard for me to predict much. Mother Earth is sometimes silent to my ears.

She Tree: You’re right about all that.
He Tree: All we have, my beautiful partner, is every minute, one at a time. Our roots are deep and strong. Mother Earth feeds us both all that we need. So far, we have been strong enough to withstand humans, beetles and wind, although we lost some branches to the cold. But it is hard to say.
She Tree: Well, all I can say is that I love every minute we spend together, here on this hill. And one day, if one of us falls, I hope we both do, so that together our bodies can nourish our Mother Earth, the termites, the ants, the grubs, the ferns, the grasses, the mushrooms, the voles…

He Tree: I love you, She Tree.
She Tree: I love you, He Tree. Hold me for a while, will you, for this moment?
He Tree: For as long as I shall stand, my love.

And that is how I, a human seeking re-connection to Mother Earth, found them on this beautiful Spring day, the echoes of their ancient conversation ringing through the ages…

--Eric Marley
May 2011

Devil Dreams (Prose...but true story)


Devil Dreams

I awoke again after dreaming of devils
and worse yet I was one the main one
and I saw the good people of the world
and it was my job to make them bad
and I got bored tooling around the world all invisible
and although your private pain brought you tears
I saw you being kind
and making yourself vulnerable
and reaching out
and loving those that were already mine
and I said “no way” when I saw this
and I had no body
so I got one
and I came down here and I met you
and I tortured you where you could see me

but you didn’t care…

you just looked at me with those eyes
those eyes that are the kind of blue
that Tahiti wishes it had and said,

“I love you.”

And now I am disarmed.

So I am going to lose this body someday
and I am taking careful notes because one day
I will stand in front of the One who makes it all happen
and I am going to march right up there, sister
I mean I am going to the front of the line
I am not going to be a “good citizen”
I am taking cuts
Because I am going to look god in the face
and I am going to recite how much you’ve gone through
and I am going to tell he/she/it to knock this shit off
and I mean RIGHT NOW
because you are the best thing that I have run into on this floating ball of rock
and you are the closest thing to what I felt
when my mother’s milk was running down my cold throat into my warming tummy
and you are the closest thing to what it feels like
to be a puppy cradled by a 4 year old boy on Christmas morning
And you are the kind of good that makes all the bad say “whatever”
and throw up its hands and walk away kicking rocks…
And you are…
just…
you…
and I love you…
and I always have…
and in my dreams
I came here
a devil
just to meet…

You.

--Aspen
2010

Me Plus Me (Short Prose Poem of Essay-ness)


Me Plus Me

“How do you live with yourself?” she said with a disgusted look on her face as she turned on her heel and stalked away, indignant at my observation.

“Well,” I said to no one in particular as I balefully watched her go, “it has been a long and interesting story.  I first met me about 41 years ago in a hospital in Covina, California.  I think my mother was there when we met, but I don’t think my Dad was around.  I was quite taken with me at an early age, but I didn’t always return the interest.  Sometimes I even felt snubbed by me, so I would get discouraged.  We were merely acquaintances for a long time, maybe thirty years.  We saw each other often, but didn’t really communicate with one another at all.  Don’t get me wrong - we weren’t enemies, but we weren’t the best of friends, either.  And then one day it happened. I saw myself across the room and I looked back.  Our eyes met.  It was then that I decided to pursue me.  I tentatively asked me out on a date to the movies, and to my surprise, I accepted.  I think we saw “A Beautiful Mind.”  Afterwards, we drove to the top of a tall hill that overlooks our town and just talked for hours and hours.  From then on, we sought every opportunity to be together, becoming almost inseparable.  Sometimes I would surprise me with pies, or take me on long hikes in the mountains.  Other times I would just hold my hand and stare at me for hours.  In time we fell and love and it simply made sense to ask me to move in with me. So I did.  Since then, life has had its struggles; the money problems, the doctor bills…but all in all, I’m just happy to be living with me by my side, going through life, almost as one.”

When I finished my story, my antagonist was long gone.  So I turned and looked at me with love and slowly made my way through the noisy crowd.

Three To One (Prose)


Three To One

She walked out tonight
Three steps to the door from where I sat
Three
To
One
The door handle turned with a click
Like a trigger hammer being pulled back
She looked back with a sigh
That wisp of hair in her eye
At a man that had written his own eulogy
And hated every word of it

The compression the door created in the room
As it closed
Squeezed the air out of my heart
Made it turn from red
To a deep, cancerous purple
Shriveled and vein-y
Like an old prune wrapped around
A
Coal
Black
Pit.

I sat where she left me.

The air
Became stale
Smelled of piss
Was filled with tight, selfish sounds
Oxygen tanks
Choked laughter
Too much being pushed through an opening
Too small to handle the volume

I never moved again.

--Eric Marley
December 2010

The Last Ray (Prose-y Storylike Lil Number)


The Last Ray

You came to me when I was a dormant seed.

It was the beginning of March; there was still snow in patches on the ground. I was cold, sleeping under the soil.

Many rays of sun slipped past sullen, reluctant clouds and melted the snow, and sometimes warmed it enough by the time it reached me that I stirred, but still I slept.

Over many days, more rays came as the clouds grumbled home more frequently and the soil warmed, but not enough to wake me.

And then you came, the Last Ray.

I remember still the moment you came. One moment I was content to be a seed forever, and then in the next instant, with your warmth, your energy, remaining a seed was the last thing I could ever do. Something stirred deep within me, and with a tiny sprout, I changed forever.   

Other rays would come, other nutrients from the soil, birds and leaves. These would all nourish me in my growth. I’ve made peace with the cacophonous cloud people, for they bring me the water I need to live.

But you, my Last Ray, will always be special to me. It was you that made me see that I couldn’t remain a seed, but could be so much more; that it was my destiny to be so.

I will always love you for that. 

Thank you.

--Aspen
2010

Rock (Prose)


Rock

“Don’t like me yet
Because I don’t know what I am doing.
I am not floating on top of the sea water
or even on top of the sea weed
I am a rock that got blown off the cliff above
and into the sea below
and I am sinking
and it’s what I do
and I cannot be saved
so don’t even try.”

These were my words
But you did not listen…

You reached your hand into the water
and you grabbed a sinking rock-
Not because it was pretty
but because it was sinking-
and it is your job to lift things that are drowning
apparently
and you do it
you do your job
and that’s good
because I am a rock-
a single brown pebble that once was on a cliff
but blew off
and I was supposed to drown
and I felt undone here
and I didn’t know what to do
and I was scared…

The sea
In all its vastness
Makes a little stone like me
Quite invisible
I would have just melted into the sea floor
and that would have been ok with me
but you said

“Stop it
I don’t care.
All I want is for you
to be ok
with you.
So don’t worry about me
Just be you.”

And so I sit on your shelf in your beautiful warm home
and I know you could have put more shells up here
or some artists dream
but instead
you put me there
a small, brown rock
so I came to know that I too
am beautiful, in my way.

And it is because of you.

--Eric Marley
December 2011

Portland Women (Prose)


Portland Women

Portland women dress in gray
November
Until almost May...

And then...

Like the budding cherry trees
From whose brown bark
A smart spark
Of pink emerges

The Portland woman's smile
Reflects white sunlight
From gleaming teeth
Through lips of Promise Red
Reminding mankind of
Earth
Mother
Divinity
And foreordained circles
Of promised life and renewal

My body fills with gratitude
And my spirit drinks deeply
As I turn to look after
A woman of My City
Who walked by
Just now
Laughing.

--Eric Marley
March 2012

Peaking Through The Trees (Prose)


Peaking Through The Trees

I walk through the forest
Alone
Filtered sunlight is ok for me
Most of the time
But when the mist coagulates into raindrops
That drip onto my skin
And soak through my clothes
And my moccasins
Are wet through
So that my feet seem
Permanently pruned
I start craving the Sun.
So I find a tall peak
That brings me above the forest
So that there is nothing between me
And the blue sky.
The sun always asks,
“Where have you been, grandson?”
And I tell him of my forested life.

After our conversation
But before I go,
I stand on a granite cliff overlooking my dear
(Albeit wet)
Trees
And shout at the top of my lungs
(Sometimes with the tiniest hint of desperation)
I LOVE YOU
Just to see
If there is an answering echo.

So far
I have not heard one.

When one doesn’t come back
I smile at the sky
I blow a kiss to Grandfather
And descend slowly back into my
Beautiful
(Albeit wet)
Trees…

--Eric Marley
May 2011

Nightmare (Prose)


Nightmare

How is it that we once walked through a meadow in the sunshine
And proclaimed our love?
What is that word anyway… “love”?
I remember something about it
It seems it once came near…

In a sunlit flash
I remember the approaching trees
Bright inviting stand
Hiding unknown delights
Small nooks
Little altars
Brightly singing animals.

We stood at the edge of our little sanctuary
And looked searchingly into one another’s eyes.

“Ready?” you asked, laughter and adventure and all brightness.
“Ready,” I replied, smiling
As I strained to hear at the last possible moment,
A strange sizzling sound.
But dismissing it,
I stepped happily in with you.  

Light fled.
Serpents hissed.
Fiery insects materialized from the grainy gloom
And spit fear into our eyes.
Dryads, witches and giggling gnomes
Leered at us from behind poisonous plants.  

But the darkness was the worst;
Enveloping us,
It fully engaged our Being,
Wriggled between the molecules
Of our bodies,
Separating us from Us,
Teasing apart all connection
Blocking out the sun…

Trees became vine-tangled
And a thousand years old
Watching us through tired, old
And apathetic eyes.

You could no longer see me
And the darkness was between our entwined fingers
So you could no longer feel me.
Your breath came in short gasps
And you whispered my name over and over and over
Searching
But not finding
Even though I stood
Terrorized myself
Right next to you.  

In your fright
You ran to the edge of the forest
Taking all the light that was left in the world
With you.

I screamed, cried, begged you no…
But the creature’s laughter drowned my anguish.

At the edge of our happy meadow
At the verge of the grainy black
You stopped and looked back
Hoping, maybe?
But as you did so
You were scooped straight up
Into the night
Away from the light.
I saw you go
My lost Rhiannon.

And now, I am chilled.

And I search for shelter in the darkness.

And I am forever alone.

--Eric Marley
February 2012

Eagle Man, My Watcher (Prose-y Thing)


Eagle Man, My Watcher

And my vision blurs
And I see him again…

Center of my mind
The mathematical center-
The pupil
Of the pupil

He is there
He is always there
Whether I choose to acknowledge him
Or to remain distracted
He is there
He is doing his work
He watches

From ten thousand feet
The land where he chooses to live
Is craggy and gray
And red and brown
With pools and patches and splashes
Of color here and there

Today we might call it desolate
Or Western Minnesota
Or Plain
Or The Great Plains.
He calls it home.

From ten feet
When he looks to the sky
Which he often does
His face looks like
The land where he chooses to love.

His face, craggy and gray
And red and brown
Also has pools -
They are deep and brown
And, seeing all,
Are sharp like the owl’s

His name is Eagle Man
And he scans the horizon
Three hundred and sixty degrees
Three hundred and sixty five days
(Or thirteen new moons)
Of the year. 

Watch now, because he does this every morning:

You see the patch of new grass he is sitting on?
It’s not always there,
For it is now spring
And the Grandfather of the East is smiling.

In the winter time, the ground is white and he may be in his tipi lodge in this same place.
In the summer he is shirtless here,
In the fall, his favorite season,
He waits here with delight for the evening visits of the Thunder Beings
From the place he most often faces,
The deep and powerful West.  

As you can see
The grass upon which he sits
Has a ring of darker grass that surrounds him
The earth is more fertile
In this ring
Like the ring around the iris
Of some people’s eyes.

Eagle Man is in the center of it
Always
The pupil
Of the pupil
Of the student.

Every morning
When I check on him
Eyes closed
I see him there
Eyes open
Scanning the horizon. 

His pipe is in his left hand
And while he sometimes stands when he senses my approach
Today he sits cross-legged
On the green grass
In the center of the green ring.

His back is straight and strong.
Today he is shirtless;
You can see that his slightly sagging skin bears
Scars from, interestingly, a bear;
And there are scars on his chest
From ceremonies we can barely comprehend,
And there are scars on his left arm
From defending his home,
And there are scars on his belly
From defending the helpless ones.
His pants are buckskin-
And not just the color.
They are painted in places to remind him
Of Wakan Tanka,
The Life Force that flows through
All things
And to remind him
That all things are related
And connected
And temporary
Like pain
And joy.

Today he happens to be wearing his moccasins
Which were beaded by his second wife
Before she also passed.

So this morning
As we regard him
He stands wearily
But with strength I hope to one day have
And lifts his pipe to the sky
And with a tear
He thanks Tungashila
His name for Creator
For the view in front of him
And to all sides of him.

Facing West he acknowledges the Thunder Beings and the way of the Grandfathers,
Facing North he acknowledges the difficult times and the purity that comes from them,
Facing East he recognizes the gratitude that comes with the sunrise every day,
Facing South he smiles, remembering harvest and plenty and restfulness.
With his face again to the sky, raising his pipe
(Eagle feather gently blowing from it),
He smiles and thanks Tungashila for allowing it all and
He pauses here, smiling at the sky as if to a friend.
Touching his hand to his heart, he kneels
And placing it on the earth
He thanks Grandmother for taking care
Of his physical needs
With such compassion and grace.
Finally, Eagle Man rises again, and facing West and with the bowl of his pipe
In his left hand,
He slowly spins it
To acknowledge all the messengers that stand
Outside the dark green circle where he stays.

Now Eagle Man pauses and he listens.
He listens to my prayer.

When I pray for protection from that which may harm me
Things grow from the dark green circle.

At the intersection of South-West
A young warrior grows from the ground
Fearsome, painted, battle accoutrements at the ready
He faces outwards
His eyes are sharp as the hawk’s.
His muscles twitch with readiness
From sun up until he is dismissed again.

At the intersection of North-West,
A slightly older warrior comes from the earth
I would not want to meet this man in battle
For what he has lost in terms of physical strength
He more than makes up for in skill
And fighting experience.

At the intersection of North-East,
Another warrior melts upward.
I do not always see him
But he is from the old tribes
And is skilled at hunting
And at being seen
Only when
It is entirely necessary.

And finally
At the intersection of South-East
A young man arises.
He is full of innocence by today’s standards
But his eyes are sharp
And his mind is kind
But he is as skillful with a bow
As an Olympic archer
Could ever hope to be.
(Sometimes he passes the time shooting grasshoppers).

No words are spoken by Eagle Man
Or my warriors
As they scan the horizon
For whatever monsters may approach
But they never cease to protect me
When I ask Eagle Man to bring them.  

Other times, I ask Eagle Man for advice
Or to pray with me
Or to cry with me
Or to laugh with me
Or to help me to understand

And this he always does-
Lighting his pipe
Offering it to
Creator,
And the Four Grandfathers,
And Grandmother
And Wakan Tanka
For me.

He never leaves me.
He smiles to me.
He is me.  

--Eric Marley
April 2012