That fear, that withering fire inside you that quenches your peace was caused by blunt life trauma and the way you hold it, it spins nothing but drama. Quit masticating your bruises. Your replaying of that painful moment is illness, when all your soul desires is stillness. It is time to move away from your incessant replay of the memory and create something worthy of You from it. How? I am going to take you through this sacred alchemy and then you can use it whenever your Soul is willing.
Are you ready?
First, feel only the pain the memory has caused. Feel it all, acknowledging the pain independent of the memory. Now, as difficult as it may be, thank the pain you feel, for it's potential to provide a softness that will allow Compassion From Experience to grow as you do the work of ages. Thank your body too, for serving you so stalwartly in this way, telling you where the pain from the event wishes to live. See that pain again now, in greater detail. Does it have a color? Does it pulse? Most importantly, see it's edges and encapsulate it for this defines it and makes it less than the eternal state it may tell you it is. Make certain you make a note of its physical characteristics, because in the next few days the Universe will give you clues about why it was important that you did so. If you see it as red, that color, or its associated direction, or an animal of the same hue, or a person wearing red will approach you with a message related to your healing... something will happen, because the Universe always supports you, always assists you exactly when and where it is most needed and in the amounts you allow. Continue to observe the pain for a moment more without fear or anger, but in perfect equanimity, without judgment. The pain itself neither hates nor loves, is neither good nor bad - it just wishes to remain forever, for that is it's nature. But Your actions decide what effect it will have to your soul: deep compassion and budding love... or dark, cancerous illness of soul and body. It is entirely up to you.
Now turn your attention from that bundle of emotion and cause in your minds eye a field or forest of your creation or memory to come into view. Make it beautiful because you will visit it often from this time forth. See it now in detail. What plants are there? Are there mushrooms? Ferns? Flowers? Is there a garden? Berries? Fruit trees? Are there animals or insects? A body of water? Acknowledge as many Beings as you can and thank them for making this place beautiful. Do you have it? This is your garden place, a sanctuary as real and as sacred to you as any temple created by hands. It's ok if some aspects change from time to time, but this is your Home, so keep its boundaries apart from hell.
Since it is your soul's nature to prefer health to illness, spaciousness to infarction, focus on the little package of pain again and take a deep breath in, hold it for a few seconds and release it. Do it again. Why? Because your soul is a breezy, breathy atmosphere surrounding the earth of your physical body, and you are causing a wind to gently carry away that energy away to your sacred and healthful garden.Why would you carry a something consisting of pain to such a beautiful place? It's a worthy question, and it will be answered soon.
Laying that question aside for now, in a section of the garden of your choice, dig a hole large enough to hold that sacred pod of encapsulated anguish, and then watch the wind of your soul, your true self, bury it gently in moist earth and cover it with kindness, patting it home. Earth can now mulch it into dark, homely, fertile soil for you, and you alone (although this benefits all of mankind). Now, as you are a being of nature, you must obey Nature's laws. Here is one that is applicable to you at this point: Nature will not tolerate a vacuum. So in the same amount of feeling that encapsulated the pain, cause another wind to bring that much light to the part of your body that felt restricted. Replace the dark void with exactly as much healthy light. See it beaming love and acceptance and health and beauty into every once-constricted veins of that area. Repeat this as often as you must while I speak to you further.
This may be hard to hear, but know that I say it by way of instruction rather than censure. You've made it a habit to forget that you've journeyed the width of forever stretching both ways to get here to this place and plane. You are not an insignificant God, yet at at times you play as if you are. Do you know that the ache in your heart is only manifested and magnified by the way you choose to hold the memory associated with it? And that the emotion surrounding it is keeping that event on replay throughout eternity, causing a kind of chaotic karma to bounce and spin throughout the serpentine fabric of time? Giving your pain in the Earth does two things. First, it allows the governing Goddess of the material world to mulch it, creating fertile soil for the beautiful seeds you choose to plant in your Being. Secondly, giving it to Her prevents the germ from continuing it's chaotic journey since it is planted in Mother's sacred womb. She alone in this place knows how to mulch it into something useful to you.
This is your work in this world, above all else; the sacred alchemy and divine partnership of turning sacred pain into Sacred Soil. Pain, the product of the interaction of a pure soul with a world that chooses to disregard it, and deep, dark soil, the product of pain's release and eventual disintegration. All Life Masters are expert at this process. Their pain and their ability to dis-identify with it are what makes them masterful in their selves, and they serve from there.
You are a Life Master in seed form yourself, in this place that is foreign to your soul. As you come to embrace your True Identity, the seeds of pain will produce a garden of such beauty that you will not want to leave it.
Bring your pain to the Mother, dear Soul... let her bear you as she has from the beginning.
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